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Hillside, IL 60162

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Hillside, IL family law attorney for co-parenting

If you are a newly-single parent adapting to life after divorce, moving on may be difficult, and you may be dealing with negative feelings toward your ex-spouse. Although it can be difficult to put those feelings aside, fostering the growth and development of your child should continue to be your primary goal. One dreaded scenario that may arise is meeting your ex’s new partner. This can be a challenging and stressful situation, but you will likely want to make an effort to get to know that person, as they will be a significant party in your child’s life. The following three tips can help the three of you work together as co-parents toward a happy and healthy upbringing for your child:

Understand the Position You Are in

You are likely to have mixed emotions about your ex’s new relationship, and this may lead to confusion for your child. The behaviors and feelings displayed by a parent can shape the thoughts and actions of children. Even though you may not be happy about meeting and dealing with your former spouse’s new partner, being willing to get to know them can be a good example for your child, encouraging them to form new relationships and branch out to meet new people. Ultimately, you cannot control what your ex does in their personal life, but demonstrating acceptance of their new partner will likely promote your child’s happiness and well-being in both households.

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Posted on in Divorce

Oak Park IL divorce lawyer parent childrenNo one gets married thinking they will get divorced someday. But when a divorce occurs, former spouses may feel like they are lost in a new, unfamiliar world, and may allow the stress of a divorce to impact how they treat their children, or they may feel that they are involved in a competition for a child’s love now that they do not see them all the time. Sometimes, adults alter their parenting in ways that do not help their children or themselves. 

Here are four ways to approach parenting which will protect important parent-child relationships and allow your family to heal from the difficulties of divorce:

1. Do Not Try to Buy Affection

When splitting custody for the first time, it is understandable for parents to want their children to enjoy their time with them to the fullest. Unfortunately, this can turn into a spending war to see who can give the most gifts or plan the most expensive activities. If your ex takes your children to an expensive amusement park or buys them a new gaming system, do not feel like you have to top that the next week. The best thing you can do is provide the stability and support they need and appreciate.

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Hillside divorce attorney holiday parenting timeHalloween is not a major holiday, so it is a day that often is not listed in parenting agreements, but it can be one of the biggest days of the year for young children. Divorced or separated parents should respect what should be a great time for their kids. Here are some ways parents can work together on Halloween, even though they are no longer together:

1. Remember Who Halloween Is For

Halloween is about the kids, not about you. If you are early in the divorce process, and emotions are still raw, you may prefer to step away for the day if you think you cannot handle the situation properly. As with the other holidays, it may be best to divide Halloween between parents on alternating years. If you can participate in Halloween activities together with your children, that is great. If not, do not force it and ruin what should be a good time.

2. Do Not Create Problems Where They Do Not Exist

Arguments over a child’s costume, how late they should stay out trick-or-treating, or how much candy they can eat are not likely to help anyone. Things might be rough right now between you and your ex-spouse, but odds are that relationship will evolve toward something more positive with each passing year. You do not want to do anything this Halloween that will give your kids a long-lasting negative memory to associate with the holiday, so do your best to strive for civility. 

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Oak Park divorce lawyer parents childrenThe end of a marriage is frequently painful for everyone involved, including parents and children. Parents may not always understand the effects that divorce can have on their children. Kids rarely fully grasp the reason for the split, but they may find themselves acting as the middlemen between feuding parents. By the end of the divorce process, many children experience stress and anxiety, and the emotional scars can follow them well into adulthood, and into their future relationships. 

If you are planning to get divorced, you can help your child cope with the decision by avoiding these common parenting mistakes:

Do Not Make Your Child The Go-Between

Although you may not want to speak to your spouse, you are the adult in the situation. Do not give your children messages to be passed back and forth with your spouse. Being the messenger puts unnecessary emotional stress on children, and it can negatively impact their relationship with both parents. If you do not want to have a phone conversation with your ex, consider texting or emailing them - find another solution for communication that does not involve putting your children in the middle of a possible dispute.

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Oak Park parental responsibility attorneyFor divorced parents, sharing parental responsibilities during the summer months is often tricky, despite the relaxed, school-free schedule. Summer is a prime time for vacations, transitions, and being with family. However, the short time period for summer vacation often makes it harder for parents and children to get into a regular routine. Just as soon as you seem to get a good rhythm going, school is back in session, and a new routine must begin. Although they are necessary, changes in routine can often be difficult for kids and parents alike. These tips can help you lessen the anxiety for yourself and your children during the summer:

Avoid Doing Too Much

Although kids seem to have a never-ending supply of energy, they do look forward to the relaxed days of summer. Many parents seek to keep the kids entertained with camps, trips, and other exciting activities. What children do not often tell you is that they are just as happy sitting on the sofa with the family. Enjoy the slow moments while you have them; school will be back in session before you know it.

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