No one gets married thinking they will get divorced someday. But when a divorce occurs, former spouses may feel like they are lost in a new, unfamiliar world, and may allow the stress of a divorce to impact how they treat their children, or they may feel that they are involved in a competition for a child’s love now that they do not see them all the time. Sometimes, adults alter their parenting in ways that do not help their children or themselves. 

Here are four ways to approach parenting which will protect important parent-child relationships and allow your family to heal from the difficulties of divorce:

Halloween is not a major holiday, so it is a day that often is not listed in parenting agreements, but it can be one of the biggest days of the year for young children. Divorced or separated parents should respect what should be a great time for their kids. Here are some ways parents can work together on Halloween, even though they are no longer together:

1. Remember Who Halloween Is For

Halloween is about the kids, not about you. If you are early in the divorce process, and emotions are still raw, you may prefer to step away for the day if you think you cannot handle the situation properly. As with the other holidays, it may be best to divide Halloween between parents on alternating years. If you can participate in Halloween activities together with your children, that is great. If not, do not force it and ruin what should be a good time.

The end of a marriage is frequently painful for everyone involved, including parents and children. Parents may not always understand the effects that divorce can have on their children. Kids rarely fully grasp the reason for the split, but they may find themselves acting as the middlemen between feuding parents. By the end of the divorce process, many children experience stress and anxiety, and the emotional scars can follow them well into adulthood, and into their future relationships. 

If you are planning to get divorced, you can help your child cope with the decision by avoiding these common parenting mistakes:

For divorced parents, sharing parental responsibilities during the summer months is often tricky, despite the relaxed, school-free schedule. Summer is a prime time for vacations, transitions, and being with family. However, the short time period for summer vacation often makes it harder for parents and children to get into a regular routine. Just as soon as you seem to get a good rhythm going, school is back in session, and a new routine must begin. Although they are necessary, changes in routine can often be difficult for kids and parents alike. These tips can help you lessen the anxiety for yourself and your children during the summer:

Avoid Doing Too Much

Children naturally want their parents to remain married forever. This desire typically stems more from the child’s fear of the unknown than from any other source. When parents decide to divorce, this may not even be a surprise to children, since by the time they reach this decision, parents may have undergone a trial separation, or children may have observed a significant amount of conflict in the home. However, even in those situations, hearing the news of a pending divorce is a conversation that children will remember the rest of their lives. As parents, we can work to protect our children’s best interests by following these tips for guiding the discussion in a healthy and constructive direction:

Break the News Together