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High Point Plaza, 4415 West Harrison Street, Suite 213
Hillside, IL 60162

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Common Parenting Mistakes to Avoid During Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

Oak Park divorce lawyer parents childrenThe end of a marriage is frequently painful for everyone involved, including parents and children. Parents may not always understand the effects that divorce can have on their children. Kids rarely fully grasp the reason for the split, but they may find themselves acting as the middlemen between feuding parents. By the end of the divorce process, many children experience stress and anxiety, and the emotional scars can follow them well into adulthood, and into their future relationships. 

If you are planning to get divorced, you can help your child cope with the decision by avoiding these common parenting mistakes:

Do Not Make Your Child The Go-Between

Although you may not want to speak to your spouse, you are the adult in the situation. Do not give your children messages to be passed back and forth with your spouse. Being the messenger puts unnecessary emotional stress on children, and it can negatively impact their relationship with both parents. If you do not want to have a phone conversation with your ex, consider texting or emailing them - find another solution for communication that does not involve putting your children in the middle of a possible dispute.

Avoid Making Your Child Bottle Up Their Emotions

Discuss the divorce situation with your child and listen to their feelings, and then do not try to tell them they are right or wrong, because those emotions belong to your child, not you. Simply allow them to have an outlet, and you might want to encourage them to keep a journal. Also, do your best to support the relationship between your child and the other parent. 

Your Child Is Not Your Therapist

Although it is helpful to discuss the divorce with your children and help them navigate their feelings, it is unfair of you to ask them to help you cope with your feelings. Rather than venting to them about the pain or anger you feel or your resentment towards your ex-spouse, consider reaching out instead to a friend, family member, or therapist who can give another adult’s perspective to your situation, as well as provide a safe environment for you to release your emotions.

Do Not Interrogate

Do not ignore the times when your child spends time with the other parent. There may be something exciting from those times they want to share with you, but they may also feel uneasy about telling you that they had a good time even though you were not there. Let them know that you are interested in all aspects of their life and be excited for them. However, do not grill them on every detail regarding those visits. Just ask general questions to get the conversation flowing, and then let them take the lead.

Contact an Oak Park Divorce Attorney

It is vital to put your children’s needs first in a divorce. Parents who work together as best they can in trying to resolve their divorce disputes create a good foundation for a co-parenting relationship after the divorce is final. At the Law Office of Vincent C. Machroli, P.C, we can help you resolve your divorce and family law matters in a civil manner, while at the same time working to protect your parental rights in court. Contact our Hillside, IL divorce attorney today at 708-449-7400 for a free consultation.

Sources:

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/top-5-mistakes-divorced-parents-make#2

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanif-virani/5-common-post-divorce-parenting-mistakes_b_9267426.html

https://www.verywellfamily.com/parenting-mistakes-after-divorce-4084363

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